Game Day Dad

When we were first getting used to having our baby living with us my dad liked to talk about how he could come home and sleep with us jumping up and down on the sofa around him.   He laughed about how he just didn’t care because he was tired and he’d just sleep through it.   I can actually remember that because the man would sleep through anything.    I used to wonder if he was just ignoring us but then he’d snore or roll and it was pretty apparent.  

I was terrified of having a baby feeling like I’d never sleep again.   Every little squeak or rustling that she’d make would have me on my feet and in her room.   If I was in the same room as her I couldn’t sleep.   It was terrible.    Over time things would change and finally it hit a point.   That point looked a little like the following:

We were sleeping

This picture isn’t of that first time.   This is a picture of around the 20th time we fell asleep like this together.   However I can remember the first time it happened.   I was feeding her on the couch and she fell asleep.  I nodded off and my wife touched my shoulder and laughed at me in awe because typically I can’t just fall asleep like that even if I’m alone.   As a parent I imagine we all hit this point where we can sleep together as such.  “Family sleeping” if you will is apparently a natural reaction to having babies.  I think I can safely advise you to get ready for it even if you’re the worst at falling asleep unless perfectly comfortable because I’m that guy.    I can honestly say that since having gotten used to our baby girl I can fall asleep faster than I ever could before.

Further I really enjoy the time together when we fall asleep like such.   It’s soothing to me to hold her and wake up to her being there sleeping.   She also naps longer if one of her parents are holding her which is nice.     It’s a bonding experience that every parent will dread but learn to appreciate with time.

I bet you’ve never heard a dad say they got beat like a government mule by an infant?  Well trust me you’re going to have days like this.    It seemed a decent blog subject almost as a warning to all you soon to be dads out there that you should know there’s a good chance your baby is flat out going to want mom and nothing you do can make her really happy.  It’s a tough situation when the security net that is mom has to go away for 6 hours and you’re one on one with a cute little angel that turns in to a feisty little crab.  Mom came home and took her at which point she instantly smiled and got cheery for the first time in hours.   I couldn’t help but smile at her, kiss her and 15 minutes later I was sleeping it off like I just did my taxes.   

This has happened to me on average about once a month since our baby was born.   I’ve been alone with her for a long span many times with no problems and we had a lot of fun together but sometimes mom’s the only thing that makes her happy.   All I can do is my best and remind myself that it’s not personal and she’s not out to get me.    I stay calm as possible, feed her, change her and attempt to play with her or put her to sleep.   I reflect on how my mom always made me feel better growing up when nothing else helped.   It’s completely natural  since moms carry us for 9 months and a vast majority of the time spend by far more time with us.   We love our moms and dad I’m sorry but you’re second best.   

I love my baby and wouldn’t trade her for anything but boy she beat me up last night.

My baby like many loves to fall asleep in the car.  I haven’t looked it up yet but for some reason I’ve always heard that and it’s definitely true for mine.   Go driving and she falls asleep.  That’s not what I do when mom’s not looking.   What I do is carefully bring the car seat in the house, set it on the floor in her room and then let her take a nap there.   Otherwise the little sh*t wakes up and wants to play when she needs a nap!

Real quick thoughts on car seats.   When you go to purchase a new car seat for your baby I suggest you consider the weight.   For instance we purchased a full size seat instead of the smaller newborn seat.   My wife really wished we’d gotten the smaller seat to make carrying the girl around better.

If you’re like me and have a standard non-HMO plan from a regular health care company you might be in for a surprise when it’s time to settle up.   I’ve personally never had any large builds with the doctor but getting married and having babies changed that to the nth degree.    You seriously have to be very careful about what you do and how you do it in regards to having a child or you might end up paying out the nose or at least stressing badly while trying not to pay out the nose.    Additionally to what you owe they might charge you for what you don’t owe based on clerical mistakes, miscommunication with your health care company and all the general bureaucracy b.s. that comes with it.   I’ve actually had a pretty rough go of it so I’ve got some insight that might be helpful to those of you thinking about having a baby. 

Here we go, first what not to do:

Do not changing personal information!

My wife was in the process of completing her name change when we were first getting started with being pregnant.   We didn’t plan it that way but hey it happened.   Now it likely takes months for a medical provider to properly file their claims, get a response and then act on that response.   So basically as soon as our baby was born was about the time I started hearing back from the medical provider about claims being denied for name.    Through the course I found out if we changed our address or anything else we were likely to be denied.  If at all possible you need to either not change anything about your personal information or you need to be very diligent in monitoring your claims processing at the insurance company.   

Health providers don’t care(even though they say they do) and they will hound you with debt collection threats on money you don’t owe!  I’ve spent upwards to 40 hours dealing with this.  I have worked with health care and understand the claims process very well so I feel terrible for the uneducated.   I would wager that a large number of people end up paying money they don’t owe because even after decades of experience in the matter health care companies can’t resolve problems.   They just dump it on the consumers.  

Do not have a baby in a manner that crosses years of coverage!

Get ready to suffer here if you’re on a plan with deductibles.    My daughter was born late in the year and it ended up I met my deductibles with around 3 weeks to spare before the year restarted and I owed them again.  That’s right.   I met our deductible and the year restarted so I could meet it again.   Feels like a double dip, acts like a double dip but is not.(sigh)  

In addition to this keep in mind that he hospital will charge a number of things to your baby so don’t plan on the stay being attributed totally to your wife’s deductible.  Plan wisely when having a baby.  I know we don’t always plan this but you really should think about it if you’re even having sex!

Do not change your health insurance at the beginning of the new year!

Unless you’re absolutely prepared.   2 months after having our baby our health insurance policy was scheduled to change.  Same provider we were just taking a different option.   Well our providers for our baby’s birth had some outstanding things to submit which they did at the very end of the year.   They got denied due to a closed policy.  I had to spend yet again several hours on the phone with both parties resolving the issue to get them paid.

Seems pretty gloomy doesn’t it?   Well it’s irritating and time consuming for someone like me.   For the average Joe one of the things above probably can cost them $1000-$3000 in bills they shouldn’t actually owe because they just pay it in order to avoid being bullied by debt collectors.    What can you do to mitigate the damage?:

1. Verify that you have identical information down to the last apostrophe with both your providers and your health insurance companies.
2. Memorize the details of your health insurance policy so you understand how they operate.  Realize how deductibles actually work and how they’ll be applied.  
3. Do not plan on changing insurances the following year or at least be prepared to deal with the fallout.
4. Understand that the first line billing department at the hospital probably knows about as much about what you’re calling about as you do.  They really are 80%+ just clerical people answering phones with no formal training in health care based on my experience.
5. Don’t let them bully you in to paying because the insurance company isn’t paying them timely.  Call and chew on your insurance company if you have to.  

That’s it for now.   I’m writing this article as I’m about to call the hospital’s billing department again even though it’s over 6 months after our baby’s birth and the last conversation they were sure I had settled everything.   Realize it doesn’t end at any rational point and you’ll have to fight them to the end.